Desi Relationships And The Danger Within
Despite all the threats and restrictions, desi men and women, like all the men and women of the world, do find themselves in extra marital affairs. In Pakistan, marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman. Only a man and, well, the maximum of four women.
Source: Pakistani In USA
As the culture goes, it is not only a liaison between the husband and wife, but also an alliance between their respective families. Because about 97% of Pakistan's population is Muslim, the Islamic law (Sharia) is commonly observed with a definite tariff.
Source: Images Dawn
The wedding traditions and ceremonies established and adhered by Pakistani men and women are the direct result of the years this nation spent as a part of India. Despite their local and regional variations, marriages in Pakistan generally follow Islamic marital jurisprudence.
Source: The Nation
This nation, prides in its unexpectedly high number of marriages and suspiciously low number of divorces. The credits are offered to the cultural upbringings and strict tradition, maintained at the cost of blood and tears.
Source: Family Inequality - WordPress.com
Our desi couples come together in the binding agreement of marriage through one out of three ways, that is Arrange marriage, Semi arrange marriage or Love marriage.
Source: Documentary Tube
Arranged marriage is basically when a member of the family, a close friend or a third person party, literally anyone except the two people getting married, help bring the two supposedly compatible people together in matrimony.
Source: Of All the Colors of the Spectrum
The groom and bride have usually never met before and are complete strangers to each other, and any interaction between them is severely frowned upon, it is akin to small talk with a stranger.
This form of marriage is considered the absolute traditional but is losing popularity among the younger generations as this generation is growing up to be more literate and liberated than the last generation.
Semi arranged marriage is the new growing trend because it’s slightly less stupid than binding two complete strangers with zero sense of compatibility, in life long contract that is the traditional arrange marriage.
In semi arrange marriage, both men and women are allowed to interact with one another before marriage, as a kind of halal form of dating.
Both the man and woman have usually are in some lucky cases, allowed more than one “meet and greet” opportunities and thereby allowing the both of them, a chance to gain a sense of familiarity and understand the compatibility.
This process can occur over a time span of a few months or a few years and may or may not reach the climax of the marriage. However, if both the man, and the woman agree upon marriage, the potential groom, and in some rare cases, bride, will try to convince his or her family to send a proposal to the family of the potential spouse.
Love marriages which is also sometimes simply called a court marriage, because the families of the marrying couple are so offended at their betrayal to the family by choosing a partner for themselves by themselves, that they almost never attend the and the couple have to get married alone in the court, are rare.
Since the concept of "family consent" has been disregarded by the marrying couple who dared to put their comfort and compatibility over their family’s ego, it is considered the greatest treason of all and people get murdered for it. Literally.
Such shameful demand for “free will” by the liberated youth challenges traditional mindsets created by the really old people inn really old times, as it "dishonors" the miserably powerful institution of Pakistani society, the biggest law of all, “The Family.” Without the family’s consent, marriages are usually frowned upon and also killed for.
Source: marriage expert
But as we all know that not all kinds of marriages are frowned upon in Pakistan because Pakistani population prides itself in its unexpectedly high number of marriages and suspiciously low number of divorces.
The kinds of marriages are considered completely acceptable in this country include, child marriages, abusive marriages, cousin marriages and Polygyny.
It is estimated that 21% of girls in Pakistan are married before the age of 18. And minimum age? Well some kids are married or promised way before they are even conceived in the womb and just the thought of disobedience can get them killed.
Child marriage in Pakistan is legally prohibited to an extent under the Child Marriage Restraint Act 1929 (No XIX). Under the Act, the minimum age for marriage is 18 years for a male and 16 years for a female according to section 2.
Contravention is punishable with a fine of Rs.1000 and an imprisonment of one month or both for the adult husband, the person who solemnizes a child marriage and the parent or guardian who does not act to prevent a child marriage.
According to Wikipedia An estimated 5000 women are killed per year from domestic violence, with thousands of others maimed of daily basis or disabled through severe violence.
In an observational study published in the Pakistan Journal of Medical Sciences based on a convenience sample of 218 women in the gynecology wards of three hospitals, 97% of the interviewed women said they had been victims of some form of assault, ranging from verbal abuse or threatened, to being subjected to beatings or non-consensual sex. 97% so yes all women.
A study by the United Nations found that 50% of married women have experienced sexual violence and 90% have been psychologically abused. And another Studies by the Pakistan Nation Women's Division and Zakar et al. confirmed these statistics of high percentages of domestic violence in Pakistani households.
Cousin marriage, as the name suggests, is marriage between cousin. In Pakistan, cousin marriage is complete legal and insanely common a practice. Reasons for consanguinity are for sometimes economic but mostly cultural reasons.
Both of which are proven to be toxic for the said society. As much as Pakistan is a diverse country, consanguineous marriage is consequently a miserably favored practice by 50–60% of the population in Pakistan.
In some areas, higher proportion of first cousin marriages in Pakistan has been noted to be the cause of an increased rate of blood disorders in the population.
According to a study conducted by Dr Muhammad Aslam Khan, founding head of the Department of Human Genetics at the University of Health Sciences Lahore, nearly 82.5% of parents in Pakistan are blood-relatives of first, second or third generations and so on.
Out of these, 6.3% hail from the same extended families or castes while 6.8% are immediate cousins. Only about 4.4% of couples in Pakistan are married outside of their brethren.
Although these figures are based on a sample size of 9,503 families, located primarily in rural Punjab, it is hardly breaking news that unions between cousins – scientifically called consanguineous marriages are rampant in Pakistan.
Aslamkhan’s study also concedes that children born out of consanguinity are twice as likely to contract genetic hazards as those who are not. Unfortunately, much of the country remains oblivious to or chooses to ignore the potential drawbacks of such a marriage, in favor of financial or social gains.
Source: Patriot Mouse
The divorce rate is very low in Pakistan due to main factor that women don’t have anywhere to go, once divorced. Their families consider it a shame that the women woman failed to take the abuse silently until it killed. They find it outrageous that she dared to fight for her own survival.
The reasons include religious and cultural factors. Nearly all the marriages in Pakistan are arranged by their relative families and the wouldn’t dare disobey he command of the adults regardless of how miserable their life becomes.
The other reason for low divorce rates in Pakistan is financial hardships that especially the women face after divorce because of the insanely low employment rate in Pakistan and preference for male employees.
Over everything, most of those girls were never offered the opportunity to educate themselves so they are bound by the ignorance that the culture in this country forced on them for this very purpose.
To keep them caged because to them, divorce is way more shameful than domestic violence or even murder.
I definitely believe so, this new generation is disgusted by the notion of cousin marriage and understands the horrors of child marriage. This generation be comparatively better educated and detest the ide of domestic violence and forced marriages.
It is long bumpy ride for this nation to build a better, healthier family structure but there is certainly hope.