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Post Desi Marriage After Effects

Posted In Desi By Fiza Khan - 05 Feb 2019

18 Useful AF Lessons I've Learned After My 5 Years Of Marriage

Source: FilmiBeat

Five years is a long time! My partner and I have been married for good for years(Say MashAllah) -it almost feels like half a decade.

Yes, the honeymoon phase has gone long back. Soon after that, LIFE happened to us, and I mean the MARRIED life! Being a working woman, *perfect* wife and a super mom cost me my own self.

And now I'm just trying to make it through life; without killing anyone around me. Do you know what keeps me going with life? These top useful AF lessons that I've learned after 5 years of my marriage.

So, here we go:

1. When my mum said, "Shadi k Pehle 5 Saal Mushkil Tareen Hote Hain," damn, why didn't I believe her that time?

Source: The Quint

Yes, girls! No matter how much you know your partner, the first five years of your marriage is going to be the toughest of all.

There will be fights even over trivial matters, heated up arguments, initial adjustments, hurts and all kinds of shitty feelings along with some of the memorable and best time of your life. But, if you would survive this phase, Larki, you will be pro in Shadi Nibhana business.

2. Yes, yes, yes, Honey! Be ready to see those carelessly thrown pieces of dirty laundry coming out of the basket. And you can't change it, NEVER! Just learn to live with it.

Source: wow Reads

This dirty laundry Saga comes with three stages usually. First, you will be like, "WTF!" Then, you will break that chup ka roza and decide to confront.

This confrontation will obviously lead to a fight, and you will keep on encountering such disappointments until it becomes a hopeless case for you.

This is where the final stage comes, where you give up on HIM, and learn to pick up the damn *pieces of clothes* yourself. Not worth the fight, it's totally useless!

3. No one gives a damn about it whether or not you are wearing makeup or looking like a homeless person.

Source: Parhlo

No, you don't have to look like a drop-dead gorgeous doll all the time. Yes, we all fantasize it before marriage. But, it is going to happen. Even if you don't take showers for days, no one is going to judge you. And you will still get the action when the lights go off.

4. Your Better Half could literally halve your heart with their so-called constructive criticism behind the closed doors, but, he/she should be your biggest cheerleader in public.

Source:  ‎Big Film Entertainment

It's okay to get criticism behind the closed doors if it is constructive and meant to bring improvement. Yeah, we can make each other feel like a complete loser in the privacy of our home. But, couples have to be each other's biggest support in public.

5. There will many BAD DAYS, be it bad hair day or lousy cooking day. Be prepared to FACE it!

Source: Lilly Singh/YouTube

You will have days when the salt gets over the top, and sometimes no salt at all, because you forgot. But, that shouldn't make you any less of a Master-Chef of your own kitchen. This is what you're, no matter what!

6. Choosing the right fights is the only way to withstand your married life

Source: TheHealthSite.com

There's no point in arguing about muddy footprints on the toilet floor, even if you’ve washed them five times. But yes, you should choose a fight when somebody middles in your affair without being asked.

7. You both should have enough space to do your own things -but, there should be one thing that you both love doing together.

Source: failblog.cheezburger.com

Apart from the different interests and activities, you both enjoy doing; there should be a common thing that you both could do together. And what can be better than "Netflix and then Chill." Both totally legit fun activities for married couples.

8. There will be Times when you would want to QUIT.

Source: youtube.com

Married life is all about ups and downs. There is going to be some days; when you will like saying, "Fuck this shit, I'm going to leave and relocate in Antarctica." It's normal; every married couple has those days when they hate each other for a few hours. Just don't make it a regular habit.

9. You both will find each other completely different than what you were on the first day of marriage.

Source: Parhlo

Girls! Shadi is a lot more than the first night when all seems lovey-dovey! You will learn to accept each other for who you're and take care of each other’s likes and dislikes. Yes, it takes time.

10. Communicating through eyes becomes an actual mode of routine communication in public

Source: Filmfare

This is one isharay bazi that you will actually be grateful for because sometimes when you are stuck at a Dawat at your in-laws and don’t know WTF is happening. That one meaningful glance from your husband will bring you back to your senses. True story peeps!

11. Whoever told, “Never go to bed angry” must not be espoused.

Source: YouTube

Yeah, it is sometimes physically impracticable to get your ego out of the way and say sorry or sort thing out; so you just decide to go to bed angry and give each other some space.

12. Being cynical and resentful will only wreck things for you

Source: 22 nelson street

Shits happen in every relationship, especially marriage. If the issue isn't something that isn't against your principles and morals; get over it and try to move it with life, I mean MARRIED life! There will be better things to focus on!

13. There will be Times when you will have to gulp it all inside you and tell your partner that He's right -when they're actually talking No Sense.

Source: curvetube.com

Marriage life is all about struggling to maintain your inner peace. And peeps, if you don't want your weekend mood to get ruined, let those arms down and agree with your bitter, oops! I mean, *better* half, sometimes. Otherwise, brace yourself for fist fights and those ugly cry faces.

14. You'll fight about the same things over and over and  ALL over again.

Source: wow Reads

Yes, that damn undergarments will never EVER land perfectly in the laundry basket, and yes, she will overspend every freaking month. There merely's NOTHING you can do about it; except maybe bang your head in the wall, and just forget, accept your partner for the way they are, and move on.

15. You both will eventually end up forgetting each other no matter how terribly the other has messed up with you

Source: twitter.com

Unless anyone of you has cheated or done something beyond your acceptance level, It's all COOL! Fights are normal things that happen between couples. Remember, you're not perfect, and neither is your partner. You both will eventually realize it sooner or later and will be able to make through every fight -closer and stronger than before.

16. Buddies – keep in touch with them and see them often

Source:  Tumblr

All the couples out there, please don't make your life all about each other all the time. It will literally suffocate you both. Spend some time with your friends and let your partner do the same.

17. Give each other presents

Source: YouTube

Honestly, this condition needs to go into the nikkah nama because bruh, when you are a desi couple, gifts are deemed a nakhra, when in fact, they are a display of love and care – which is needed in a marriage. It’s the art of mastering the love life! It’s perfect!

18. Tell your partner you love them, once in a while

Source: Images Dawn

Last but not least, peeps, even the most emotionally-controlled spouse wants to know that somebody, particularly their spouse, loves them. Go take the lead, say the words – you won’t die, in fact, you and your mate might just live to tell the story to your grandkids. “Aik Dafa ka zikr hai, Dada Abu ne I love you kaha tha….

So chaps, what lessons have you learned from your marriage? Have your say on these useful AF lessons that I've learned after 5 years of my marriage. Can you relate to any of these lessons? Let us know in the comment section below.